February 21, 2004
"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times."
When we were assigned to that stupid book last semester I thought that one sentence was the dumbest thing I'd ever read.
Now I realize ol' Charlie knew exactly what he was talking about. I feel like I've aged a hundred years
since Giles' birthday yesterday. I mean, look at my last entry to you,
it's all just wrong: EVERYTHING has changed since
then. Or really, I guess it didn't change, just how I understood it
changed. It's like my whole world has just moved into some weird alternate universe or
I guess I'll start with the "worst of times" part. Randall doesn't exist.
Pretending to be a Watcher was just part of some sick game this guy Ethan Rayne came up with to try to make Giles' life miserable.
I HATE HIM! I hate that he acted like he was my friend so I would trust him and spy on Giles.
I hate that every time he said something nice he was probably laughing behind my back at how dumb I was to believe his lies.
And I especially hate that even knowing it was some kind of twisted joke I still miss my friend Randall.
I should tell you something of the actual events, but I'm really so tired of
thinking about it. I feel like a fool to have believed him. But on the way home
from the hotel, Giles told to me a little bit about Ethan and London and some of the stuff that happened back then.
I could tell that it was really hard for him to talk about his past and some of the bad things he'd done.
I guess it just goes to show that even when you're as smart as Giles you can make some really stupid mistakes.
He said that I should stop beating myself up over being tricked by someone like Ethan.
He used words like master manipulator, treacherous, and duplicitous which are all just nicer ways of saying that Ethan is a lying, scumbag bastard!
I sort of started to snivel like a big baby, which I thought would totally freak him out.
Instead he just pulled over to the side of the road, handed me his handkerchief and put his arm around me and let me blubber all over the front his sweater.