February 21, 2004


Dear Diary,

"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times." 

When we were assigned to that stupid book last semester I thought that one sentence was the dumbest thing I'd ever read.  Now I realize ol' Charlie knew exactly what he was talking about.  I feel like I've aged a hundred years since Giles' birthday yesterday.  I mean, look at my last entry to you, it's all just wrong:  EVERYTHING has changed since then.   Or really, I guess it didn't change, just how I understood it changed.  It's like my whole world has just moved into some weird alternate universe or something.

I guess I'll start with the "worst of times" part.  Randall doesn't exist.  Pretending to be a Watcher was just part of some sick game this guy Ethan Rayne came up with to try to make Giles' life miserable. 

I HATE HIM!  I hate that he acted like he was my friend so I would trust him and spy on Giles.  I hate that every time he said something nice he was probably laughing behind my back at how dumb I was to believe his lies.  

And I especially hate that even knowing it was some kind of twisted joke I still miss my friend Randall. 

I should tell you something of the actual events, but I'm really so tired of thinking about it.  I feel like a fool to have believed him.   But on the way home from the hotel, Giles told to me a little bit about Ethan and London and some of the stuff that happened back then.  I could tell that it was really hard for him to talk about his past and some of the bad things he'd done.  I guess it just goes to show that even when you're as smart as Giles you can make some really stupid mistakes. 

He said that I should stop beating myself up over being tricked by someone like Ethan.  He used words like master manipulator, treacherous, and duplicitous which are all just nicer ways of saying that Ethan is a lying, scumbag bastard!  I sort of started to snivel like a big baby, which I thought would totally freak him out.  Instead he just pulled over to the side of the road, handed me his handkerchief and put his arm around me and let me blubber all over the front his sweater. 

Buffy was sitting in the backseat and she leaned over and wrapped her arms around both of us. She stroked my hair and kept saying over and over that everything would be all right.  And you know what was weird? It sounded like she believed it!  Usually when Buffy tries to make an "everything will be fine" speech you can tell she doesn't believe a word she's saying.  She knows that whatever is about to happen is going to be a disaster, everyone listening to her knows it's going to be a disaster and the only question in anyone's mind is just how big is the disaster going to be? 

But this time was different.  I could hear it in her voice. Something had happened to make her believe that everything *really* was going to be okay.  When I asked what was going on Buffy looked at Giles and they did that silent exchange of information thing they do.  Finally, Giles nodded. 

Which, I guess, brings us to the "best of times" part of the story.  Buffy and Giles are going to start dating.   It's about freakin' time.

More later.