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June 10, 2003

Dear Diary,

This morning Robin checked himself out of the hospital even though the doctor wanted him to stay another couple of days and Buffy, Willow and Giles went and picked up him and Faith in the SUV he bought when he sold the school bus.  (It's sure a lot easier to find a parking place now and people don't look at us all weird when we go to the mall.)

While they were gone, I overheard Xander asking Andrew about Anya.  (Honestly, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything, but they were standing right there on the other side of the Coke machine.  Can I help it if I've got really good hearing?)  He wanted to know about that last day.  How she felt.  What she talked about.  Was she scared.  When Andrew told him about the rabbit thing he just gave this little funny little smile and said, "She always was more brave than she knew."

Willow's been going on and on about how Xander needs closure.  Not just about Anya, but about his parents, too. I keep wanting to remind her that when she lost Tara her idea of closure was skinning people and world destruction.  But I haven't said anything.  Yet.  I may though if she keeps up the "Xander needs to get in touch with his feelings" crap.

I don't know why everyone always wants to offer advice when something bad happens.  That's what happened when Mom died.  Everyone kept saying they knew how I felt.  Well, they didn't.  I didn't even know how I felt, so how could anyone else.

I think that's what's going on with Xander now.  He doesn't know how he feels so he doesn't see the point in talking about it.  Maybe I should take him out for ice cream.  That's what Giles did when we lost Mom.

One afternoon after school I went to the magic shop.  But when I got there instead of telling me to start on my homework, Giles told Anya that we were going out for a little while.  Then he took me to this ice cream place down the street.  We both ordered a "Chocolate Explosion" which is a brownie with three scoops of chocolate-chip ice cream covered with hot fudge, whipped cream and chocolate curls.




Then, we talked.  First, about Mom.  Not the 'what a tragedy' and 'how sad it is' stuff that everyone else had been saying.  Just the everyday stuff.  I told him how aquamarine was her favorite color.  And how she would eat the center of an Oreo before she ate the rest of it.  And how she always sang with the radio when she thought no one was listening.

Then Giles told me about his mom.  He said she died when he was twenty-one and that he still misses her.  He told me that she loved flowers and more than anything she wanted a beautiful rose garden.  Only she could never get them to bloom.  He said she always complained that it positively unpatriotic for an Englishwoman not be able to grow a decent rose.  She's the one who taught him how to make tea, too.  (Which is a good thing since he drinks it by the gallon.)

Somehow, after that I was able to remember a lot of the fun things and not just think about the stuff that hurt.

You know, I think I'll go see what Xander's doing.  I'm in the mood for a hot fudge sundae and I'll bet he is, too.

More later.