Oregon Humor
(a selection of "netscrape" on Oregon)



How do you know you are a real "Oregonian?"

* You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty. 

* You use the words 'sun breaks' and know what it means. 

* You know more than 10 words to describe a cup of coffee. 

* You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one 
for twice as much as you originally paid. 

* You never go camping without water-proof matches and ponchos. 

* You stand on a deserted street corner in the rain 
waiting for the light to change (if there even is a light). 

* You know more people who own boats than air conditioners. 

* You consider something a "hill" (not a mountain) 
if it doesn't have snow on it or has not recently erupted, 
regardless of its altitude. 

* In the winter, you go to work in the dark, 
come home in the dark, and only have an 8 hour day. 

* You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a really nice restaurant. 

* You consider "etiquette" a foreign word. 

* You find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner. 

* You used to live somewhere else but won't admit it publicly. 

* You've ever ordered a half caff/decaf, nonfat mocha grande 
with sugar-free cranberry whip (or you know what it is). 

* The bride and groom registered at REI. (sport supply store) 

* You are amazed at an accurate weather forecast. 

* If someone ran your car off the highway, you might drown. 

* You'd be miffed if the store was out of your favorite brand of water. 

* Every day is casual Friday. 

 YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN OREGON WHEN 

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 

2. "Vacation" means going to Portland for the weekend. 

3. You measure distance in hours. 

4. You know several people who have hit deer ... more than once. 

5. You use a down comforter in the summer. 

6. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 2 feet of water 
during a raging rainstorm ... without flinching. 

7. You see people wearing hunting clothes to social events. 

8. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 

9. You think of the major food groups as 
elk meat, venison, fish, and berries. 

10. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows bow to use them. 

11. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat. 

12. Driving is better in the winter because almost everybody stays home. 

13. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas. 

14. You know all the important seasons: 
almost winter, winter, still raining, road construction, deer season and elk season. 

15. It takes you three hours to go to the store for one item 
even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town. 

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU'VE GONE NATIVE IN BEAUTIFUL OREGON 


You trade in your deluxe Camry for a four-wheel-drive Explorer. 

You trade any motorized vehicle for a bike and a bus pass. 

You have more running shoes and hiking boots than pumps in your closet. 

You carry a backpack, not a purse or a briefcase. 

You bypass any coffee shop that doesn't offer at least five varieties of latte. 

Nobody corrects you any more when you pronounce Willamette. 

You are incapable of saying the word "Californian" without using a derogatory adjective. 

You have misplaced one umbrella for each month you've been in Oregon. 

You can give five reasons why native salmon runs are dwindling. 

A visiting out-of-town relative compliments your hazelnut bread 
and you start a family feud by insisting it be called filbert bread. 

You know at least three effective ways to kill slugs without using poison. 

Someone mentions surfing, and you ask whether the wind is up in Hood River. 

Your casual clothes and your yardwork clothes 
and your business clothes are one and the same. 

When going on a picnic, you pack the tarp before the food. 

You're able to comparison-shop for roof moss remover. 

You are capable of debating the merits of at least 
five Portland microbreweries or three Willamette Valley 
wineries or any combination thereof. 

You average only one nasty comment about Seattle per week. 

You no longer need to pick up one of the 
little floor maps when you enter Powell's Books. 

It no longer seems odd to you that Oregon has an official state nut, 
insect, fish, seashell, rock, gemstone (it's not the same as the rock), tree and dance. 

You don't laugh anymore at mention of the towns of 
Boring, Riddle, Talent, Tangent, Drain, Sisters, Brothers, 
Echo, Bonanza, Halfway, Paisley, Rufus or Spray. 

You give away Zucchini instead of receive it. 

All of your relatives know how to pronounce Oregon. 

Oregon Facts & Stories

Capital: Salem 
Joined the Union: February 14, 1859  (33rd State to join the union.)
Motto: Alis volat Propriis ( She flies with her own wings) 
Nickname(s): Beaver State 
Flower: Oregon Grape 
Bird: Western Meadowlark 
Song: Oregon, My Oregon 

Origin of Name: Unknown. It is generally accepted that the name, first used by Jonathan Carver in 1778, was taken from the writings of Major Robert Rogers, an English army officer.

All six of the world's major rock types can be found in the Oregon Caves.  

The United States imported most of its hazelnuts from Italy, Spain, France, and Turkey until the 1940s. They're now grown in Oregon and Washington.  The city in the United States that purchases the most ice cream on a per capita basis is Portland, Oregon.  

The state of Oregon has one city named Sisters and another called Brothers. Sisters got its name from a nearby trio of peaks in the Cascade Mountains known as the Three Sisters. Brothers was named as a counterpart to Sisters.  

The world's shortest river--the D River in Oregon--is only 121 feet long.  

The swallowtail butterfly is the official state insect of Oregon.  

The Associated Press reported in December 1985, in Eugene, Oregon, a 6-month-old kitten set a Christmas tree on fire while batting at the lighted bulbs. The heat of the fire cracked a nearby fishbowl, and water from the bowl doused some of the fire. Firefighters arrived within minutes of the fire starting and put out the fire, which had spread to the carpet. A goldfish named Clyde was found lying prone in the cracked bowl, and when put into another bowl with water, was quickly revived and survived the ordeal. The water in Clyde's bowl had prevented the fire from getting out of control.  

The state seashell of Oregon, the Oregon hairy triton, is the only shell that shares the name of a state, and one of only three in the world named after a location.  

The Nike "swoosh" logo was designed by University of Oregon student Carolyn Davidson in 1964 four years after business undergrad Phil Knight and track coach Bill Bowerman founded the company they originally called Blue Ribbon Sports. Ms. Davidson was paid $35 dollars for her design. 


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