October 31st, 2003

It's Halloween and I dreamed of you again.

Remember that night at the rails? Dirty Dee, you and I christening that old abandoned freight car in our own special way? A bright orange moon raining down the only light. You were so high, you could barely walk. Practically had to carry you back to the flat myself.

I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I've grown accustomed to seeing your face while sleeping or while suffering the sickness or while remembering the morphing memories I still retain of our time together. I slip in and out of consciousness and see splintered moments but they are never remembered clearly.

I wish I knew what they did to me, Ripper. Then again, sometimes ignorance is bliss. I could use some bliss right about now.

I think I will try and get some more rest. If I'm lucky, you'll come to me again.