January 13th, 2004...

I am a fool.

I didn't intend for this to happen. I was to remain distant and detached. She was only energy for me to tap into. But as my plans move slowly along, I find myself seeing her as so much more.

I called her today and asked her to come to me, intending to sip some energy from her to battle my growing fatigue. I've done it before and with every visit it becomes easier. I missed the danger, the challenge, so I changed the game. I invited her in and decided to see how long I could last. As you know, patience is not one of my virtues. Oddly enough, after hours of listening to her talk about school, friends and her new love interest, I felt something I haven't suffered in a long time. I can only define it as friendship and it horrified me.

At the realization of what she'd done to me, I dared myself to end it. She has no power over me and I meant to prove it to myself by draining her fully. So when Dawn went to leave, I came up behind her and held the door closed. I could smell her confusion, mixed with the perfumed scent of her lavender shampoo. Her breath quickened and I felt the energies alter with her growing apprehension. My body craved her like some addiction. It was then that I realized I wasn't holding myself back from draining her, I was holding myself back from having her. It was nothing but my pathetic feelings for her that prevented me from taking what I needed, what I so desperately wanted.

I was infuriated. Only one other person has ever affected me like that.... one!

She turned to face me, the hint of a smile playing along those sugary pink lips. I looked into those bright, innocent eyes...

I couldn't do it, damn her.

My compassion for her is blinding me. I can't afford to care for the vessel of my restoration. She is nothing more to me than a resource to be exploited.

I am a bloody fool. The Fates must be laughing.